Who is this, dammit? « Okay, Fine, Dammit

Who is this, dammit?

Bless you, bless you, bless you for stopping. I tell myself I blog for me, that I don’t care if anyone reads or not, but I am totally lying. The truth is I care very, very much. Too much, in fact. (But I’m working on that.)

This is me, Maggie.

My name really is Maggie. My middle name is Snow (yes, really.) My left eye always squints up like that when I smile, just like Brenda from 90210, even when I’m trying to look all book-jacket-cool. My hair color changes every eight weeks or so. I’m in my 30’s. I write for a living. This does not mean I am famous, nor financially successful. It simply means I am obsessed with writing. The day I learned I could get paid for it, even when it was only $40 a pop, was the day I came to life. Ask anyone.

***

This is my husband, Dave. Rawr.

His name really is Dave. We’ve been together since 1992. He is good and kind and he can fix anything. Though you’ll never see him commenting here, he’s my number one lurker — so watch what you say about him.

This is Gretta. But that’s not really her name.

She is brilliant and dramatic and she used to be shy, but now she’s not. Every girl should take karate lessons. Just saying.

This is Emma. But that’s not really her name, either.

She is a lunatic in the very best sense of the word. She was never, ever shy. Not even a little bit. I wouldn’t mess with her if I were you.

Speaking of messing with us, this is our backyard.

We live in rural Wisconsin, where it snows a LOT. You’ll never find us though, stalkers, because even the Fed Ex guy can’t. Ever.

Here we all are together!

My mom took this picture. I look so happy and relaxed because we just returned from the one and only spa vacation I’ve ever had.

Oh, and one more thing.

This is me meeting Gloria Steinem.

Because I did, dammit.

34 Responses to “Who is this, dammit?”

on February 21, 2008 at 4:24 pm1 SWF42

I gotta say, I love your blog. Like probably a million others, I saw the review and I’m planning on slowly making my way through your life (cyberly) as time permits. Yes, this is kiss ass sucking up, but it’s also true. I have the blog envy, but I’m okay with it.
on March 1, 2008 at 11:40 pm2 Wendee Holtcamp

Hey just checking out your website and I love it! Very hilariously funny stuff! I’ll add you to my blogroll which doesn’t run too deep - and keep up on it when I can. Love the wit!!
on March 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm3 Maria

I love you, Maggie!
on March 4, 2008 at 2:57 pm4 Melina

Maggie! i am interviewing you for the Great Experiment (or whatever the hell it’s called :), I can’t find your email… can you send me a line??? melinalovesjohnny@gmail.com.

I’m going to stalk your site now and try to come up with something good!!!
on March 12, 2008 at 5:40 pm5 somechick84

Hi! I just stumbled onto your blog and thought I’d say I like your writing. Looking forward to more!
on March 24, 2008 at 11:42 pm6 tysdaddy

Sweet bios, Maggie.

A couple semesters ago, I had to write a bio for a collaborative novel my class put together. Since I’m a gamer, mine was a bit of a knockoff. While everyone else stayed fairly generic, I let it all hang out . . .

Brian J. Thomas (“Lost”) is the nom de plume of Demise, a rising star in the ranks of the Order of the Emerald Claw. Born in the Aerenali city of Pylas Zirinth, she became fascinated with the legends of the House of Vol at an early age and soon fell in with the disturbing sect known as the Stillborn. She possessed a natural gift for necromancy and was soon recruited into the ranks of the Order of the Emerald Claw. She is fanatically devoted to the order, and dreams of someday becoming a lich and serving at the side of ancient Vol herself. For the moment, she oversees small operations, leading groups of lesser minions (skeletons, zombies, or low-level warriors, rogues, or clerics of the Blood of Vol) as they work to steal valuable items or perform dark rituals. When dealing with others, Demise has a chillingly nihilistic attitude. She constantly challenges all heroes’ achievements, encouraging them to give up their struggle and surrender to the inevitability of death. The elves of Aerenal have always revered their ancestors. Once slaves of the giant tribes of Xen’drik, the Aereni elves bought their freedom with blood and magic, and elf bards still sing and write of their heroic deeds. “Lost” is her first published work. Demise may be reached at http://www.orderoftheemeraldclaw.com.

That was a trip . . .

Maggie, it is truly a pleasure to visit your site. Keep up the great writing, and I hope you post a list of your published stuff on here one day.

Brian
on March 25, 2008 at 5:14 pm7 we_be_toys

Okay, I love the last one, with the 2017 Pulitzer Prize winning novel - need to work on that title, though!
Those were great fun to read - I hated writing just the ones I had to do for Google and Myspace, so I am properly respectful here!(salaams)
on March 26, 2008 at 7:35 pm8 wellreadhostess

Turns out, I’m a shameless whore! You said you liked my blog (hatin’ it…still hatin’ that word) and now I am your new best friend. Get used to me. I’ll be here awhile. My best friend is from Madison, so by association you are fabulous. Thanks, too, by the way.

-Shameless whore/wellreadhostess/kristin
on April 12, 2008 at 8:14 pm9 Lil

hi maggie, i went looking for your email addy, but couldn’t find it…

‘member my post that you so eloquently commented “oof” (which i agree with btw), and then you dangled in front of my bloodshot eyes the temptation to hear some stories of another mother’s hell with their “parental anger” issues…

well i’m ready, please bring it on…no editing, no diffused lighting to soften the edges, nothing but the truth, because i feel like i’m standing in the shit all alone…

Lil
on April 15, 2008 at 5:30 pm10 Jones

I like your blog and the way that you express yourself. I’m new to blogging and have been having a blast. Keep up the good work.

http://www.jonesview.wordpress.com
on April 23, 2008 at 11:32 am11 Kristin

They “fucking love you!” I would be so terrified that I’d be One Star Dickweed Blog.
on April 28, 2008 at 11:26 am12 amature.gigolo

I found your blog from a comment you left for SWF41.

Love it.

Consider yourself with one more hungry soul to feed with your wit and candor.

TAG
on May 14, 2008 at 7:19 am13 Erika

Dude. The tweaked template is tight. I love it. (Didn’t know where else to say that, so here it is.)
on May 14, 2008 at 3:12 pm14 JD at I Do Things

First, thanks for putting in a good word for me over at Ask and Ye Shall Receive.

Second, you have an amazing blog. I feel kind of jerkish coming over here from my silly, spasm-inducing site, but I’ll definitely keep coming back.
on May 21, 2008 at 6:16 pm15 distracted spunk

Um. I’m kind of bewildered that you like my writing since you’re so freaking good at it. You make me feel like a chump. But seriously. I LOVE reading you, even if it’s a subject that I can’t necessarily relate to, I feel as though I understand it more the way you describe it.
on May 23, 2008 at 1:35 pm16 SanityFound

Followed the link from Single for a Reason and I got hooked on your banner image alone now going to read onwards I just love it!!!
on May 24, 2008 at 2:18 pm17 Miss Britt

Even your “About Me” page is cool.
on May 24, 2008 at 7:08 pm18 Ray

And don’t hesitate to stop over at Maggie’s other favorite blog (NITRO VISTA)–another recipient of the vaunted “I F*ing Love You” rating–at

http://www.hubertusmaximus.blogspot.com

It’s a gas, gas, gas!
on May 24, 2008 at 7:19 pm19 Maria

I love it I love it
on May 24, 2008 at 8:49 pm20 sspare

God can you somehow block Ray already? Whore is killing my fucking buzz, seriously.

(Love this, btw. And you know how high my standards are for About pages.)
on May 25, 2008 at 10:50 am21 washwords

thanks for the updated cast of characters maggie and cheat sheet guide. you’re an inspiration, pure and simple, in at least a zillion ways (that I can think of off the top)
on May 26, 2008 at 7:36 am22 girlgriot

Lovin’ the revamp! This is a great ‘about’ page. The pix are wonderful … I mean, I already knew you were a babe, but seeing you so happy with your family is nice (and the photo with your best bud Gloria rawks)!
–Stacie
on May 26, 2008 at 8:31 am23 chanda

I love all the new things I can click on! The pictures of you guys are wonderful. And holy shit, who has to mow your back yard!?
on May 27, 2008 at 5:17 am24 cdv1971

Liking the new bio! Particularly the fuck you to stalkers, phishers and all manner of cyber pirates. Go on!
on May 27, 2008 at 10:55 am25 we_be_toys

I read your “about me” page and get “about me” envy. I haven’t updated mine in so long, I don’ even remember what the hell I wrote on there. dammit.

Great pictures - you guys are very cute all together - I can see you now, tumbling out of the car in my driveway…I know, I never give up!
on May 27, 2008 at 3:29 pm26 mimay

hey, found your blog through blogversary ‘coz I was wondering why my blog is included when in fact mine’s still a month away.

anyhoo, I loooveee your header. makes me think of changing mine. Maybe on my blog’s birthday. Continue blogging, I will be back for more.

Cheers from the Philippines
on May 27, 2008 at 4:24 pm27 Felicity

You are an inspiration. In SO many ways!
on May 27, 2008 at 7:50 pm28 Lara

I just want to say that the pic of Emma is most definitely THE BEST photo of any child. Ever. That expression is priceless.
on May 28, 2008 at 12:10 pm29 Lea

fantastic re-do my love.
oh, and i read your article while at the airport at the ungodly hour of 5am. so i didn’t text you about how fucking awesome i think you are. figured on a saturday morning you might have better things to do. like maybe sleep. but good god girlfriend - you blew me away. seriously.
on May 29, 2008 at 7:00 pm30 Kritta

Hee. I love you and your blog. I just came over here to see the picture of Emma.

And so can I take her? I mean, like, pick her up at your house and then never return? I promise I’ll be a good mom.
on June 4, 2008 at 2:54 pm31 sweetney

so glad i stumbled on you today. hi! (waves)
on June 13, 2008 at 1:28 pm32 that girl

Dammit is without a doubt my all-time favorite curse word.. love your blog.
on June 16, 2008 at 12:41 pm33 gigidiaz

Yet another kiss ass comment this way comes!
I stumbled upon your blog looking for worthy stuff to read and I have to say that you really motivate me. I too love to write. I don’t think my writing is nearly as exciting as yours, at least not when I’m in a good mood, but I love to read you because it makes me feel like when I’m “grown up” I too will be able to write for fun and get paid for it (although I have hopes of being famous; lot’s of famous!) and have a group of faithful readers who follow my writing because they enjoy doing so.

I look forward to reading more and maybe having you stop by.
G
on June 19, 2008 at 3:59 pm34 melissa

Hey Maggie. Found you through Lance/Coast Rat. *Virtual handshake* Nice to meet ya.

Lovely photos, but I have to admit I am terribly amused at the picture of Emma. I clicked on your About section after having read the cleft palate waitress story and then to see Emma’s face… hahaha she looked just like how I pictured her. ;P Beautiful.