two minute break « Okay, Fine, Dammit

Feed on: Posts; Comments

two minute break

March 30, 2008 by Maggie, dammit

If I had my act together, I’d line up a few guest posters. It would make me feel important, plus I’d feel like I was taking better care of y’all. (No we don’t say y’all in Wisconsin but I like to pretend we do, particularly when I’m waitressing. No I don’t waitress anymore, but I sure used to. Heard of Country Kitchen, bitches?? We wore pinafores and white nursing shoes. Relax, it was 1992. OHMYGOD QUIT JUDGING ME ALREADY.)

I’m deadlining hardcore. (Yes, I feel cool when I say that. No, that doesn’t make it any easier. Please don’t worry about me, Dave’s on his way with sushi — just as soon as he finishing karate chopping some eight-year-olds. I just said finishing. I meant finishes. Yes I’ve had some wine, FUCK YOU. Soon my family will sweep in. Emma will squeeze my cheeks and Gretta will roll her eyes. All will be well. (HA I went back through this and I thought “sweep” was wrong, like I meant “sleep” or something. But I reread it and it’s right. Like I ever sleep in anymore. Duh.) Wait, I need another parenthesis. ) There.

It was super nice of y’all to lick your monitors in my general direction after the press club awards snubbed me. That’s why I put myself out there, that’s why I publicly embrace my egotistical tendencies. That’s why I point it out to you when I lose, not when I win. So you’ll lick your monitors and I will feel better. You are nice people. Nice, nice people (Not you, Ray you shit. Meet me at the coffee shop in the morning, we’ll throw down.)

I miss you. I do. I’ll be back soon, I swear. Don’t go nowhere, y’all.

Posted in bloggityblogblog, explanations, just sayin', procrastinating, random, so spent, writing | Tagged boozin', acting crazy, run on sentences, waitressing, guest post, throw down, karate | 26 Comments

26 Responses to “two minute break”

on March 30, 2008 at 4:37 pm1 lynseylp

That’s too funny!!!!
on March 30, 2008 at 4:43 pm2 sspare

Next time: ice bucket; guac; one for the road.

(Status report: one load of bullshit down, one to go. You - click the remote off and keep at it, dude. Make those 6000 turn around and show submissive ass.)
on March 30, 2008 at 5:12 pm3 Maria

oooh. how’s the whole owning a karate studio thing going?
on March 30, 2008 at 5:47 pm4 Natalie

Clearly, the drinking and posting is working for you. You had me in STITCHES woman, STITCHES. Please drink wine more often.

Or go buy yourself that bar to match the karate studio.
on March 30, 2008 at 6:31 pm5 Sue

I’m with Natalie, she stole the words right off my keyboard!!! AHAHAHAHAHA.

You’re hilarious! I want whatever wine you’re drinking!
on March 30, 2008 at 7:11 pm6 Ray

10:00? And did you want me to bring my award along? Because I will, you know. If you want. At least, like a photocopy.
on March 30, 2008 at 7:12 pm7 Maggie, dammit

I have one too. I HAVE ONE TOO!!!!

DAMMIT MAN!

How I suffer.
on March 30, 2008 at 7:15 pm8 Maggie, dammit

and DON’T EVEN SAY IT ABOUT THIRD PLACE. I know you want to you bitch. 10am it is. Bitchy McBitch. Quit bugging me!
on March 30, 2008 at 7:33 pm9 Sue

I wonder if my URL fix worked this time. Thanks for pointing that out!!!
on March 30, 2008 at 7:40 pm10 Captain Steve

I think I should try drinking and posting more often instead of drinking and ruining tshirts. Oh, and I’ve totally got $5 on Maggie when her and Ray get down to it.
on March 30, 2008 at 8:14 pm11 Lea

love the byline. smooooooches.
on March 30, 2008 at 9:23 pm12 Kat

We do say “y’all” down here in Texas. I used to waitress in a country and western nightclub, I’ve got your pinafore all beat to hell, woman. But me being originally from Michigan, I’d walk up to a table (in my denim miniskirt, low-cut t-shirt, western boots and cowboy hat) and say “What can I get you guys?”. And they’d look at me and say, “You’re not from here, are you little lady?”.

Anyway…get back to work, you wino! You’re on deadline!
on March 30, 2008 at 10:23 pm13 flutter

Dude, I am rife with judgment for your pinafored ass.

We’ll be here when you are ready babe
on March 30, 2008 at 10:39 pm14 hlawnicki

Is this a Cage Match? I’ll be watching BOTH of you. Maggie, you should organize a drunk hour - we’ll all be drunk blogging. BWI hee.
on March 31, 2008 at 7:16 am15 donovan

I wish you would stop drinking Gin and Juice then posting.
on March 31, 2008 at 7:36 am16 Lara

drunk posting is always fun. hehe Don’t be gone too long… just long enough to don the pinafore, k?
on March 31, 2008 at 10:19 am17 shari

You can’t leave me.
on March 31, 2008 at 10:28 am18 mamatulip

“act together?”

hmm. not familiar with that term.

i’m not going anywhere. i’m a stalk- uh, FAN now.
on March 31, 2008 at 12:05 pm19 Chanda

Ahhh wine. Creative lubricant for the artistically inclied. I chink my glass in your general direction Chica. “Cheers!” (Okay, so it’s 2 in the afternoon, Im at work, and I don’t really have a glass of wine with me because I’d get fired. Mere details!).
on March 31, 2008 at 12:07 pm20 Miss Britt

No. No. Guest posts will kill your blog.
on March 31, 2008 at 12:25 pm21 we_be_toys

Maybe it isn’t considered proper to write under the influence of said fermented grapejuice, but it does give your voice a different quality. Me? I don’t give a rat’s ass what’s proper - all proper really means is confining the creative element, because that works so well! You write what you want girl - we love you “just as you are”!
So happy to hear you have (or had) sushi on the way - and that the dojo is getting some action. All is right with the world.
Bon appetit and Salute!
on March 31, 2008 at 12:29 pm22 Gypsy

May the force be with you!
on March 31, 2008 at 12:43 pm23 Meg

Maggie, is it a Wisconsin thing? My friend in Milwaukee also uses y’all a lot. And she’s a native, not a transplant. Me no get.

And also? Your post is like the comment you left over at my blog. Definitely, influenced by wine. Not that I would know anything about that.
on March 31, 2008 at 1:57 pm24 amanda

That explains the smudges.
on March 31, 2008 at 3:34 pm25 liv

you are one, nutty fucking bitch. i lurves ya. but you ain’t right, girl.
on April 1, 2008 at 6:55 am26 arizaphale

I like the idea of a drunk posting hour. But why limit it to one hour???? Oh that’s right, cos I wake up and think ‘Oh my God did I SAY that?????? (see review of CDV on Ask and You Shall receive…comments and responses *blush*)